I’m re-watching the entirety of the MCU, these are my live tweets.
And so it begins. My rewatch of Iron Man is starting….now. Fair warning, this will probably be a thirst thread because I am thirsty for Tony Stark. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Okay they’re in the desert. Nice mountains. Some cars are driving. HELL YEAH CLASSIC ROCK IS PLAYING. I haven’t seen this movie in 10 years so this is kind of all new to me again.
The first song of the MCU is Back in Black – AC/DC and I’m like this is PERFECT.
RDJ speaks and I start giggling.
Oh my god he’s a total asshole.
Tony Stark: I don’t wanna see this on your myspace Me: OH MY GOD I’M OLD.
Oh no oh no oh no. Someone save this poor asshole from these explosions! I’m so upset about these poor soldiers that just died. Also why is his phone making that noise.
Stark Industries bomb: WADDAP
Me: *singing Poetic Justice* BE BETTER, TONY. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
Wow Tony built his first circuit board at 4. And then his first engine at 6. They made America a woman? Sure don’t seem that way >>.
WOW OLD RHODEY. I have CHILLS.
Where is Tony? I forgot what happened to him in this scene. Oh right he’s gambling. Of course he is.
WOW HAPPY LOOKS SO DIFFERENT Y’ALL. EVERYONE IS HOT IN THIS MOVIE.
Hello Christine Everhart.
Christine: You’ve been called the DaVinci of our time, what do you say to that?
Tony: Absolutely ridiculous, I don’t paint.
Me: HA
Christine: And what about your other nickname, “The Merchant of Death” Me: oh fuck
Wow Christine and Tony just going at it. Tag yourself I’m JARVIS wakin her up and bein like “Get out. Thanks.”
OH LOOK IT’S CALIFORNIA!
I completely forgot about this part. Why do I keep forgetting things?
Pepper is just like “Hey. Time to leave Christine.”
Christine: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up his dry cleaning
Pepper: I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires, including occasionally taking out the trash.
Me: OH SHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!
I’m crying about about Pepper and Tony right now. They’re so cute oh my god help? Originally I didn’t care for this relationship, but knowing all I know now I’m like THESE CHILDREN.
Rhodey is so mad. And tbh I would be too. Cause they just straight up replaced him in the second movie lmao.
Even arguing they take the hot towel and I’m like yeah. Yeah hot towels are amazing.
Someone explain to my gay ass why Tony Stark looks so hot here:
Tony: *pulling long tube out of his nose* Me: *SCREAMING AND GAGGING* EWWWWWWWAUUGHHH
Tony waking up and finding the arc reactor like “What the fuck???”
For a genius Tony is a fucking moron. You wanna know how that got your guns, Tony? They fucking stole them. Or maybe someone sold them to them. Illegally. Wow did he really think that the US Military were the only people to use his weapons?
Wow he just called Tony the most famous mass murderer in all of history. That’s gotta suck. What an intense wake up call.
And he just refused to build the missile and now they’re torturing him. And now he’s seeing how much of his tech they actually have in this war.
Oh god the moment where Tony realizes they’re going to kill him once he builds the missile and he’s just like “fuck” and I’m like “fuck.”
Tony and Yinsen, hostage bros for life.
Yinsen: That could run your heart for 50 lifetimes
Tony: …*looks sad and contemplative* yeah. Or something big for 15 minutes.
Me: *eating a sandwich and sobbing*
The Ten Rings trying to figure out why the fuck the shit Tony’s making doesn’t look like the picture: Maybe it’s backwards?
Me: Oh y’all.
NO YINSEN. I mean I know he’s not gonna make it, but like I don’t want him to swallow a hot coal.
OH MAN TONY IS JUST LIKE TIME TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP.
YINSEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
Tony is comin for all y’all bitches.
Dude just shoots metal like the bullet isn’t gonna ricochet. You fucking moron.
Yinsen: My family is dead. I’m going to see them now, Stark, It’s okay. I want this. I want this.
Me: *SCREAM CRYING*
Tony: Thank you for saving me.
Me: *SOBBING*
Yinsen: Don’t waste it. Don’t waste your life.
Me: HE DIDN’T. HE MADE YOU PROUD. *SOBBING*
Tony: *lights people on fire*
Me: WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Tony: *flies*
Tony: *crashes*
Me: Iron Man, everybody.
THEY FOUND HIM! RHODEY FOUND HIM!
Rhodey: How was the fun-vee
Tony: laughs
Me: *CRIES*
Did Pepper’s hair become more red with her grief? Or is that just the sunlight?
Tony: Hm. Your eyes are red. A few tears for your long-lost boss?
Pepper: Tears of joy. I hate job hunting.
Me: *MAKES AN INHUMAN NOISE* STOP BEING SO CUTE I CAN’T HANDLE IT.
A cheeseburger and a press conference. Only one of those things sound like the Tony Stark I know.
Lol Burger King. I love that they used BK because that’s what changed actual RDJ’s life as well.
I FINALLY KNOW WHAT SHIELD STANDS FOR:
Strategic
Homeland
Intervention
Enforcement
& Logistics
Division
THAT IS A MOUTHFUL Y’ALL AND COULSON JUST DELIVERS THIS LINE PERFECTLY. THIS MAN IS A GOD.
PEPPER AGREES WITH ME AND I LOVE HER EVEN MORE NOW THANK YOU PEPPER.
Tony: I have more to offer this world than making things blow up. *shuts down weapons manufacturing*
Everyone: *GASPS*
Me: YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN YOU MAKE YINSEN PROUD.
Pepper: THERE’S PUSS
Tony: *calmly* It’s not puss it’s an inorganic byproduct of the machine in my chest…
Pepper: IT SMELLS
Tony: yeaaah it does.
Me: *CRINGING*
Tony: Make sure you don’t pull out the magnet at the end of it
Pepper: *pulls out the magnet*
Tony: That was it
Pepper: OH GOD
Me: OH GODDDD
Pepper: What’s wrong?
Tony: Oh nothing I’m just going into cardiac arrest
Me: *SCREAMING*
Pepper: Don’t ever, ever, ever, EVER ask me to do anything like that ever again.
Tony: *smoldering eyes* I don’t have anyone, but you
Me: *HYPERVENTILATING*
Pepper: What do you want to do with this?
Tony: Destroy it. Incinerate it.
Pepper: You don’t want to keep it?
Me: *SOBBING*
Tony: JARVIS, you up?
JARVIS: For you sir? Always.
Me: *sobbing*
Taking a break from thirst tweeting about Tony Stark because I realized I have popcorn and I didn’t make any for this movie. Which is like. Against god or something.
Tony: I’m being responsible that’s a new direction for m…I mean the company
Me: Lmao Tony you’re such a fucking disaster
Tony: For lack of a better reason DUM-E is still on fire safety *turns to robot* If you douse me again and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college
Me: *dying laughing*
JARVIS: Sir there are still terabytes of actual calculations needed before a flight is TonY: JARVIS SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO RUN BEFORE YOU CAN WALK—LLLEEEEEROYYYYY JENNNKINNSSS Me & JARVIS:
Pepper: You couldn’t even tie your shoes without me
Tony: I’d make it a week
Pepper: Really? What’s your social security number??
Tony: ……………………5?
Me: *SCREAM LAUGHING*
Tony: ….!?!?!??!?!?!?!
Pepper: *moving forward*
Tony: *moves down*
Me: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Tony: !?!?!?!?!?
Pepper: *opens eyes* I would like a drink, please
Me & Tony: WIDSISDFJFSD!?!?
Tony: Got it. Got it getting the drink. Bye. *leaves*
Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: HELLO CATHERINE
Tony: Karen
Christine: It’s Christine
Wait…am I Tony Stark?
Wow she brought up Gulmira and Tony is like “FUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, BITCH.”
Tony: ARE WE DOUBLE DEALING?? UNDER THE TABLE?
Obadiah: *smirks*
Me: I WANNA STAB YOU IN THE EYEBALL. WHERE IS JOHN WICK WHEN YOU NEED HIM???
Tony: *gets shot out of the sky*
Me: *laughs* ….Oh man was that mean?
OH GOD THIS SCENE IS SO FUCKIN BADASS Y’ALL I CANNOT STOP SWOONING.
*badass music plays*
Me: *headbanging*
Rhodey: The fuck is happening
Me: *HEADBANGING HARDER*
Tony: I was jogging in the canyon
Rhodey: Thought you were driving
Tony: Right. I’m driving. To the canyon. Where I’m gonna jog.
Me: y’aaaaaaaaaaaall
LMAO THAT’S MY EXIT I’M FUCKING CRYING
The US Army is trying to kill Iron Man and I’m like isn’t this just like them? They’ve also tried to kill Santa Claus several times.
Rhodey is just like “FUCK WE JUST TRIED TO KILL TONY STARK”
WHIPLASH 1 CAN’T GET HIS CHUTE OUT. TONY DO SOMETHING.
TONY SAVED HIM.
Rhodey: What am I supposed to tell the press?
Tony: Training exercise, isn’t that the usual BS?
Rhodey: It’s not that simple
Next scene, Rhodey: An unfortunate training exercise…
Me: HA
*HIGH PITCHED SCREAM LAUGHING* BECAUSE PEPPER’S FACE. OH GOD THIS SCENE HAS BEEN QUOTED SO MUCH I FORGOT IT WAS IN THIS.
Pepper why are you skulking around like you don’t LITERALLY belong there? Stop looking so damn nervous, holy shit.
Ghost Drive Found. I love it. This is real life. Definitely.
Someone stop this fucker.
Pepper STOP HIM.
Person on tape: You didn’t tell us the person you paid us to kill was the great Tony Stark. As you see Obadiah Stane, your deception will and lies will cost you greatly.
THIS VIDEO IS HELLA INCRIMINATING. OBADIAH ISN’T COMPETENT I TAKE IT BACK.
OBADIAH IS JUST LIKE HELLO PEPPER. And I’m like PEPPERRRRRRRRRR. Like I haven’t LITERALLY SEEN THIS MOVIE AND ALREADY KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.
Pepper is so fucking smart, holy shit.
THIS FUCKER TALKING LIKE HE WASN’T THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL HIM.
Lmao Tony flew out of a hole in his ceiling. And Rhodey stares at the old suit like “Next time, baby” Ahahaha yeah. Gotta wait until it’s Don Cheadle for that shit.
Lmao Google just tried to autocorrect Don Cheadle to Don Headache and tbh yeah. I could see that.
SO THIS FUCKER JUST CAME UP OUT OF THE GROUND TO KILL PEPPER LIKE
HOW DARE YOU???
Obadiah about to fuckin kill a family of 5 calling them “Collateral damage” FUCKING NIGHTMARE ASSHOLE Then the mom just casually runs Tony Stark over lmao.
Obadiah: I built this company from nothing
Howard Stark’s Ghost: BITCH U DID WHAT?
Me: OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK. WHY ARE RICH PEOPLE LIKE THIS? THEIR PARENTS/MENTORS GIVE THEM LIKE A MILLION DOLLARS AND THEY’RE LIKE I BUILT MYSELF FROM NOTHING. LIKE NO YOU DIDN’T???
Obadiah: I’ve made some upgrades of my own *suit flies slow as fuck* Me: *sarcastically* oh wooooooooow. impressive.
Tony: I’m almost out of power. I gotta get out of this thing…
Obadiah: Lol waddap
Me: GODDAMMIT WHY CAN’T YOU JUST DIE
HE IS LITERALLY CRUSHING TONY TO DEATH AND I AM SITTING HERE CRYING
DO IT PEPPER. YOU ABSOLUTE BADASS.
Lol Tony just pulls out his optical connection. Do it to ’em Tony.
Can I just say here that I totally forgot that Obadiah crushed the original Iron Man suit head.
It’s a wonder this didn’t show up in Peter Parker’s room in Spider-Man: Homecoming. Considering how much he likes Star Wars.
*waggles eyebrows* y’all see what I did there?
Tony: There’s nothing about Stane here
Phil: That’s being taken care of. He’s on vacation. Small aircrafts have such a…poor safety record.
Me: OHHHH BURNNNNN.
Pepper flirting with Phil is my favorite thing tbh. I ship it. But I literally ship everyone with everyone the same way I do in Naruto.
Pepper: And then you went downstairs to get me a drink and you left me there? By myself? Is that the night you’re talking about?
Tony: *looking both horny and scared* …mmhmm?
Pepper: Thought so.
Tony: *thinking: fuck I struck out. GDI*
Me: GIVE IT TIME, TONY
Hope you guys enjoyed it! I’ll be watching The Incredible Hulk on Tuesday and I haven’t seen it yet, so it should be fun? I dunno. Stay tuned for that!