Fury: Well let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.
Cap: An army…from outer space. Goddammit why am I even alive rn.
Bruce: That man’s brain is a BAGE full of cats
Thor: Have care with how you speak. Loki is batshit crazy, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother.
Natasha: *glances up from filing her nails into daggers* He killed 80 people in like 5 minutes.
Bruce: Why does he need iridium
Tony: *smartest person in room mode* It’s a stabilizing agent.
Me: Oh my god my two husbandos in one room what’s gonna happen~~
I don’t even know what he’s saying. Something about portals not collapsing and shit? No idea. He’s so hot. Help.
Oh my god every woman in this room is so DONE with Tony Stark. Like how many of them are going to roll their eyes while he’s talking and also checking them out.
Tony: How does Fury even see these?
Agent ya g0rl: He turns. Tony: Sounds exhausting.
Me: Why do I love this man he is so mean.
Tony: Am I the only one who did the reading?
Me: Yeah. You nerd.
Bruce: *saying smart things*
Tony: FINALLY. Someone who speaks English.
Cap: *jealous* is that what just happened?
Me @ cap:
Thor: Monkies…I do not understand
Cap: I do!
Tony and Banner are going off to PLAAAYYY
Hehehehe they’re playing with Loki’s magic stick someone stop me oh my god. I swear I’m an adult.
Tony: Come to my house Dr. Banner. Meet my girlfriend. She could also be your girlfriend. It’s fine.
Tony: I promise a stress free environment…no surprises…
Tony: What’s your secret? Bongo drums? Yoga? Huge bag of weed?
Bruce: *giggling like a schoolgirl*
Tony: You’re tip-toeing, big man. You need ta STRUT.
Bruce: I will once 40s over here leaves
Cap: I don’t get that reference.
Cap: The Stark Tower? That big ugly…
Bruce: *compliments the building* ilu
Tony: ilu2 *back to cap* I’m kind of the only name in clean energy right now
Cap: Yeah. And you’re all about style aren’t you?
Tony is so sad and so sassy to Steve because he’s like “My dad loved you more than me, but I’m also smarter and more capable and—” and y’all I am really fucking sad about it.
Tony: That’s the guy my dad never shut up about? Maybe they should’ve kept him on ice.
Bruce: ….oh Tony.
Oh my god they’re so sweet to each other I can’t. Who let me watch this.
Thor feels so much remorse for what happened on earth the last time he was there. And I’m just like…Thor. bby.
Thor: Loki is a prisoner
Fury: Then why do I feel like he’s the only person on this boat that wants to be here?
Me: Y’all ain’t even kNOW
Loki: Not many people can sneak up on me
Nastasha: I had a VERY specific skill set.
Natasha: Agent Barton was sent to kill me…he made a different call…
Loki: I like this. Your world hangs in the balance and you bargain for the life of one man.
Natasha: Ha. Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that. I’m Russian.
Nat: I’ve got red in my ledger. I wanna wipe it out.
Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Dracoff’s daughter?
Me: PROTECT THIS WOMAN
Loki: Your Ledger is dripping. It’s gushing with red. And you think you can fix it by saving a man who is no more virtuous than yourself?
Me: OH MY GOD STOP.
Loki: I wont touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you. Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear.
Me: OH MY GOD DANGER ALERT
Loki: And he’ll wake long enough to see his good work and when he screams I’ll split his skull
Me: ….WHAT EMO BULLSHIT IS THIS
Loki: This is my bargain you mewling quim
Natasha: You’re a m o n s t er *crying*
Loki: Oh no, you brought the monster
Natasha: Thanks for being a dumb bitch
Nicky Fury just blames Thor. And Thor is like oh my god wtf.
Tony is annoyed. Everyone else is annoyed. We’re all annoyed.
NICK FURY JUST CALLED STARK OUT. NOW TONY AND STEVE ARE IN AN ARGUMENT.
Tony: wait how is this about me
Steve: I’m sorry, isn’t everything
Me: OH MY GOD LOKI GOT TO ALL OF U
Cap: Take that off, what are u
Tony: In ur bedroom
Nat: I’m into it.
Cap: You’re not the guy to make a sacrifice play. To lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.
Me: ………………..bitch do you wanna fight, cause I got 14 movies proving you wrong.
Cap: You may not be a threat. But you better stop pretending to be a hero. Tony: A hero? Like you? You’re a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.
Me: Now I hate to get in the middle of this, but that’s ALSO not true….
Clint Barton is a fucking crazy ass ho. I love him.
This scene breaks my heart so fucking much because Banner’s like “I TRIED” and Tony is like “OH MY GOD SOMEONE HELP MY BOYFRIEND”
Everyone is just waiting for him to transform during his speech and I’m like y’all leave him alone. Leave my baby alone.
They’re all fighting and I’m like guys save it for Civil War.
Then they get asploded and Cap is like oh fuck Tony put on your suit and Tony is like “SURE THING CAP” and I’m like y’all what the fuck.
Banner and Natasha are in a small space together and I’m like Save my wife, 2k19.
Fucking Barton is a fORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.
Lol yeah Tony get the suit on.
Loki is fucking pleased with himself like a fucking asshole.
THE AVENGERS THEEEEME.
Cap and Tony working together like the best bros who I love and they’re the best.
See what happens when y’all don’t fight??? SEE WHAT YOU ACCOMPLISH????
Tony: What’s it look like in there?
Cap: It seems to run on some type of electricity
Tony: well…you’re not wrong.
If Hulk could just like NOT destroy everything that would be great.
Thor vs Hulk. Ultimate cage match.
Tony and Cap being science bros.
WHERE ARE YOU MEW MEW 2K19
Hulk just hops on a jet like time to die I guess.
Tony and Cap are trying to fix one part of the ship while the Hulk just rips everything else apart.
LMAO CAP YOU CAN’T JUST PLAY PING PONG WITH GRENADES. YOU DUMBASS.
Oh my god Hawkeye is the fucking bEST
SAVE CAPTAIN AMERICA OH MY GOD.
Loki just tricks Thor. Ok. HE ALWAYS FALLS FOR THIS. I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR YOU, THOR.
Agent Coulson you absolute prince.
Thor and Banner are plummeting down to earth now so I guess that’s happening.
Now Natasha and Clint are pulling each other’s hair. Lol punch that bitch.
I love the Mew Mew sounds. Like she’s so mad at Thor for being such a dumb bitch.
Coulson: You’re going to lose.
Loki: Am I?
Coulson: It’s in your nature.
Loki: Where is my disadvantage?
Tony: PULL THE LEVER CAP
Cap: I can’t….I can’t pull the lever
Tony: CAAAPPPPP *getting tossed around like a rag doll*
Cap: I’M WORKING ON IT
Tony: FUCK MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE
They’re both ok tho.
Fury: Coulson is dead.
Me: I TOLD Y’ALL.
Fury making his sons feel rEAL bad right now. Do it to ’em.
Guard: Big and green and buck ass nude
Me: Sounds like my kinda man.
Guard, calmly: You an alien?
Guard: You an alien? From outer space?
Guard: Well, son. You got a condition.
Clint: Do you know what it’s like to be unmade?
Nat: You know that I do.
Me: Oh my gOD
What is with Clint and eye sockets.
Steve: Was he married.
Me: yES HE WAS TO ME
Cap: Is this the first time you’ve lost a soldier?
Cap & Tony working together
Being real gay
And lookin real hot
HEEEEE. Cap telling Hawkboi to suit up is my AESTHETIC.
MY BABIESSSSS AVENGINGGGGG
Agent: You’re not authorized to be here
TONY YOU CAN’T JUST BLAST EVERYTHING. OH MY GOD.
Loki: *flirting* Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity.
Tony: uhhhhhh *not falling for his bullshit* actually I’m going to threaten you.
Loki: Oh boo. You should have kept your armor on for that.
Tony: Eh. It’s seen a bit of mileage and you’ve got the uh…glow stick of destiny.
Tom Hiddleston: *trying not to laugh*
Tony: *flirting* Would you like a drink?
Loki: *smirks* Stalling me won’t change anything.
Tony: No, no, no. Threatening. No drink, u sure? I’m having one.
Loki: Who tf is this man
Tony: *talking shit* You managed to piss off everyone.
Loki: That was the plan.
Tony: Not a great plan, you dumb bitch. They’re coming 4 u.
Loki: *clicks tongue* I have an army
Tony: Bitch, we have a hULK
This entire movie is Loki’s audition tape for America’s Next Top Model.
Tony: If we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it.
Loki: I ain’t scurred, bitch.
Tony: And there’s one other person you pissed off. His name is Phil.
Tony: *shoots him*
Me: LMAOOO do it to ’em, babe.
Thor: LOKI. TURN OFF THE TESSERACT. OR I WILL DESTROY IT.
Loki: YOU CAN’T JUST DESTROY EVERYTHING U ASSHOLE.
Anybody know where Pepper is? Is she still in DC? How long has it been?
I’m so gay for Hawkeye oh my god.
Nat: Just like Budapest all over again.
Clint: Bitch wtf. You and I remember Budapest VERY differently.
Cap: *hops on a car* I GOT ORDERS MEN
Cop: Why should I take orders from u?
Cap: We got Stark up top he’s gonna need us to…
Bruce: This all seems horrible.
Nat: *checking him out* I’ve seen worse, babe.
Stark: I’m bringing the party to you.
YASSSS AVENGERS THEMEEEEEEEEE
Me: WHY AM I WATCHING THIS MOVIE IT HAS BEEN 5 HOURS.
Hill: Sir. The council is on.
Fury: fuCK the council.
I’m so mad y’all.
Tony: What else you got?
Clint: Well, Thor’s taking down a squadron down on 6th
Tony: And he didn’t…invite mE.
Steve: If you wanna get up there you’re gonna need a ride
Nat: I got a ride. Could use a boost tho.
Bruce: *punches Thor*
Me: lMAO. Same.
Craig woke up and now he’s like o goddammit why did I do this.
Craig @ Craig:
Hulk @ Loki:
Craig comes thru. Get that scepter, babe.
Jarvis: Sir we will use power before we penetrate that shell
Hawkeye just ran out of arrows and he’s like “TIME TO PUNCH A BITCH” GOD HE’S SO COOL. CLINT BARTON IS SO COOL.
Lmao Fury just shoots a jet with a grenade launcher. Fucking badass.
They’re just gonna nUKE NEW YORK. OH MY GOD. PETER PARKER LIVES THERE YOU CAN’T dO THIS.
ANTHONY EDWARD STARK YOU BETTER NOT DIE ON ME.
(i say. like i haven’t seen every fucking marvel movie including this one.)
Tony: *COMES BACK TO LIFE*
Me: THAT WAS TRUE LOVE’S KISS I’M CALLING IT
Tony: Please tell me nobody kissed me
Tony: LEt’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day. You ever tried shawarma? There’s a shawarma place a few blocks from here. I don’t know what it is but I wanna try it.
Me: tONY OHMYGOD
Avengers @ Loki:
Loki: *flirting* If it’s all the same to you…I’ll have that drink now.
Tony: OFFER’S NOT ON THE TABLE ANYMORE BETCH
Lmao people getting facial hair like Tony Stark. Oh my god.
They just let Thor take the tesseract like a fucking fucker.
Council: Was that the point of all this? A statement?
Fury: *laughs* No bitch. It’s a promise.
The Avengers theme is so fucKING GOOD.
That concludes my 7 hour long live-tweet of The Avengers. Thank you. I cannot believe it took me this long to tweet all of this.